Umm. Its been a few days but, thats cool I started a little goofy video blog on youtube, so far its pretty boring because nothing funny or interesting has went on so that I can record it or whatever, but its fun! I like it.

My aunt went into the hospital the other day, I cant remember if I wrote about it or not..I know after I visited her in the hospital I contemplated writing about it, but I didnt really know if I felt like it was the time.

Some time ago, my aunt (my mothers sister) was diagnosed with something called Myleodysplastic Syndrome.  Its basically a lot like prelukemia and was referred to as prelukemia until recently, its like ineffective production of bloodcells. You never have enough white blood cells, you never have enough red  bloodcells and you never have enough platelets. So basically you have to go to the hospital like three or four times a week and receive blood transfusions but they do not sustain your life because eventually even those will stop working, as a matter of fact, for the last year of her life she was basically living with absolutely no white blood cells and no immune system, so ANY cold, any cut, anything was life threatening.
So, after two or three years of blood transfusions and experimental medication, her white and red blood cell counts werent maintaining, they medications and transfusions stopped working so they put her on a donor list for a bone marrow transplant and they said they didnt see her getting a donor within the next two months, so they put her on a donor list for a cord blood transplant (see: cord blood) and they found a donor pretty quickly!

She went to the hospital the other day to start her chemotherapy, everything went fine and she didnt start getting sick until the last day of her chemo, which is good. Friday at 2pm she had her transplant and even though shes not really doing GREAT or in the best of spirits, she is exactly what is expected of someone who just went through that transplant. Basically she acted normal, just how doctors expected and just because she was is sick we shouldnt be alarmed because thats normal right now. At least thats kind of good to hear. Mom said she couldnt get up out of bed or anything and was throwing up, etc. Im not comfortable at all with seeing her in the hospital, im not comfortable with her being sick. It has really made me very very sad and upset. I know that good people getting horrible diseases like this, its just natural selection and there are many many good people who dont deserve something like this happening to them and this is just the way the world works, however, I find myself analyzing this more and more everyday and it is a really hard thing to understand.
You know how difficult events that you go through in  your life seem so surreal at the beginning and halfway through the hard time when things could possibly get worse it just hits you and realize the severity of the situation? Well I think im really beginning to understand now that there is a real possibility that she could die. Survival rate is 35 percent. That means that she has a 35 percent chance of living. The rest of that is her chance of dying.
Everyone dies. Birth is a lifelong terminal illness that everyone succumbs to so I cant quite understand why things like this are so hard for me, and other people to accept, but it is very hard.
Everything in me wants her to beat this and break this pattern of all the good people in my family passing away before they had the opportunity to fully live their lives and experience everything that live and living and old age has to offer. I can only hope and pray with all of my soul that this is just a learning experience for her and that she will overcome it with a brand new perspective on life that would impact her and her family for the better.

It is sort of a family epidemic to die young and I would really like to see it reversed because we are all SO FUCKING AWESOME WE DESERVE TO BE AROUND FOREVER!!!

I am still very optimistic and I feel with my heart that shes going to be ok and hope that she will be ok. Everyone else who reads this..hope with me!!!

So  basically this week I have worked and stayed with my cousin over his house. My cousin (her son) is 16 years old and hes never been alone in his house before (please dont question me about this, its much too complicated for me to explain and for most to understand) so I have been going over to his house and hanging out with him, and visiting my aunt in the hospital. Children under 17 are not allowed to stay in the rooms on this particular floor of the hospital so he hasnt seen her since she left for the hospital and wont see her for another few weeks if things turn out positive. I imagine its very painful for him so ive been hanging out with him keeping his mind off of things. I actually hung out with him for about 5 hours today and hes a cool ass kid. Very smart, and very articulate. Hes fun to talk to and I really enjoyed spending time with me.

Thats about it..im going to eat my bagel now and finish watching howard stern. Ill keep everyone updated!!!