I think that my hip has struck again. Yesterday I was in bed all day because my hip is just..killing me. Its hard to make other people understand your own physical pain especially if there are no outward signs like a broken bone, or a cut, its very difficult to explain, I guess in the same way it is hard to explain..emotional pain. One tends to keep it to themselves and lament over it, quietly.
Its still hurting today, im not really sure what to do about the pain. It hurts to sit, stand, lay, ugh..it sucks.

Did anyone see the documentary on the History channel last night called “Hippies?” It was very very groovy. I wish that there could be a “hippie” type youth movement right now, in todays society..we need it. Its just that no one cares anymore. The original hippies were on the brink of a truely free alternative way to live. Society has changed so much and would never allow for anything like that to happen again.
What I would give to be on the streets of The Haight during 1967..my my my..

Y’know..my hip pain may be pyschosomatic..I realize that I do have a real, diagnosed problem with my sciatic nerve, but it seems to be severely  agitated by stress/depression/etc. I have felt depressed lately, I think its the overwhelming pressures of becoming an adult I feel this..contempt at life for forcing me to have to conform to societies ways and get a job. I am overwhelmed at the responsibility that lies ahead of me, and want to avoid it in every way possible.

I am so lucky to have the mother I do, who helps me so much and has catered to my eccentricities the very best she knows how. Ive always sort of..floated..done what I wanted, worked how I wanted, where I wanted, when I wanted..as free from restraint as possible. Right now im working as a contractor, contracted through a marketing company, I work 6 days a week, whatever hours I want pretty much…and I make ok money. I make enough to live, and I have enough left over to play a bit too..but one day..this will end. So, I found something else to do along with what im doing now and..I hope it comes through because there is career potential, or at least very long term potential in this job. So, I think that thinking about a “long term potential” job..has me sort of spooked at the reality that is..the rest of my life.

I dont know why the future is so scary for me. I am ok with change..I realize that change never changes but sometimes I wished things never changed.

Every year it gets harder and harder to make a decent life for yourself in this country, property values sore, rent prices go up…blah blah. I dont even know. Im just rambling pretty much.

Anyways, the last couple days ive been going through my hair and sort of, rebackcombing it..and oh em gee does my scalp hurt now.
Other than backcombing, ive decided to go all natural, no wax, etc and just shampoo with Dr Bronners (which should be coming in the mail sometime soon…) and its coming along rather nicely, within the last two weeks I can already tell that the “locks” that were washed out, are starting to reform on their own…exciting.

Ok im gonna rest some now.