That im losing myself in a white trash hell.

“Walking down the streets at night
I see her stumbling through the rain
A skinny figure in the dark
Her face a shade of grey

Begging here and barking there
She’s swearing all the time
Her fingers fumbling with her hair
A dirty mess of grime

And she starts to cry and she’s asking why
Her life’s always the same
But she does not see, that unfortunately
There’s no one here to blame

“Heroin” she said, “was the best I had…
No more mountains left to climb.
The world so slow… all my dreams just too high
To be fulfilled in time…!

She grabs my arm… and I feel alarmed
Her fingers gripping tight
I see her pleading eyes… so I start to disguise
And say, that everything’s alright…

And the reason why I pretended and lied
Is that I don’t want to kill
The poor dream that’s left in the deepest cleft
Of the thing that she calls will…!

“Heroin” she said, “was the best I had…
No more mountains left to climb.
The world so slow… all my dreams just too high
To be fulfilled in time…!”

Another song I love:

Hey see you know what I, I know what I dont
You promise you promise and I know you won’t
The problems and pressures we face everyday
Are sometimes more like but always on display
It breaks in your ears it aches in your bones and brings you to tears
With various incisions you load another bullet
Your shootin’ with precision

I’m talented with atrophy yea i do it well
you know I’d like to take a break from suffering in hell
Squattin’ is the excuse is I frequently abuse
Either way I hold the chain im gonna need a noose cause PAIN!!!!!!!!
Sweats on my skin, sick with bad memories and burns for my sin PAIN!!!!!!!
To talk with each breath
The only solution is the sweet taste of death!

Don’t mistake the demeanor
My kindness and weakness
I’ll burn you with reality
While you cry to your Jesus
You’re suffocating in two
You’re choking in an empty room
You’re empty life thats ending soon
Completely spells your doom

I made a choice deep inside
heroin or suicide?
sickness praised in times of need
we waste away from hands of greed
Jesus nailed to wooded T’s
cannot compete with my disease
humanity the weak condition my soul is sick from my decision

PAIN!!! The badness increases
The goodness wants to cry while we are cut to pieces
PAIN!!! Precious death
Paralysed with apathy thats all thats fucking left!
PAIN!!!

It seems like I have nothing to blog about, but theres actually so much to blog about that I cant even begin to fathom how to put it into words and create some type of legible piece of writing. So, I wont. I wont go into detail about my life recently…I dont feel I owe some long drawn out story. Ill just pick up, not where I left off…but where I am now. Thats what I feel like doing.

Picking up, not where I left off…but where I am right now. That makes me wish that life was like the internet. For a lot of people life is the internet or the internet is their life or some huge part of it, I dont know where I am on that. The internet certainly takes up a lot of my time but would I call it a part of my life? I dont think so. Would I miss it if it were gone? Hmm..I would probably find something else to do. The instant easy access to information would be missed, but thats what books are for.

My life has been nothing short of chaotic, just a big mess. Its getting better though, because, like this blog entry..I am picking up where I am now, not where I left off.