I am completely broke. My mom is gonna let me borrow some money until my check comes on Wednesday. Now, when I say COMPLETELY BROKE..I mean that I dont have gas money to get to my mom in order to get the money. So, Soda and I were scrambling around trying to find at least 5 dollars in change and I started to open my just drawers in my dresser and I found a BP (gas) card from God knows where. So, I called the 800 number on the back and it has 10.00 dollars available. Awesome!

I told Soda:
“This reminds me of something my friend Buck told me, when I was worried about going to Bonarroo on limited funds..he said.. remember always that JAH PROVIDES.” (Jah is what Rastas call God. It is the Rastafarian word for God). And then I said..”YES! JAH PROVIDES!”

So..I came back to my room, and just picked up this purse I havent used since before Kelley started giving me purses. In it, I found Thirty bucks!!!!

This is a small reminder that, yes, Jah does provide for you as well as providing for all of us. Regardless of what you believe JAH to be. An entity, divine essence, or the pure manifestation of Truth that resides in everything in this universe, even you and even me…

Everything works out the way its supposed to in the end.

I said that I would be going Monday to get a dermal anchor piercing…well, Monday is MLK day and the piercing place that does the dermals is not going to be open. SO, I decided to go ahead and go get my vertical labret done TONIGHT! Actually, in a few hours more than likely. I am pretty freakin excited about that. Im happy to be getting piercings again. Ill be sure to post some pictures on my flickr when I get finished ^_^

Teresa is running her first contest of the year over at her personal blog. You have a chance to win a beautiful turquoise bracelet created by Lori Jaclyn. She’s willing to ship anywhere and that means anyone is eligible to participate and win.

I booked my hotel for New Orleans!! Woohoo!! I got a KING Suite at The Hilton, with a jacuzzi! How kickass is that? I got it for Monday night, and Tuesday night and I am THINKING about going ahead and getting it for Wednesday night. Couldnt hurt, right? I am already spending the money for Monday and Tuesday…so I should just go ahead and get the room for Wednesday night also before someone else nabs it up. Im starting to get excited!! Woohoo!! Ive never stayed a hotel as nice as The Hilton before….

I must admit that this upcoming election is something that my head is very mixed up about. My head is mixed up about it, mainly because its something very serious for our nation, and for us (Americans) as a people. I have not found one candidate that I really love and support. I have found one that I like a bit more than all the others…but no one that I have felt a passion for, no one that has stirred something from deep inside of me. As a matter of fact, I did not think it was possible for anyone running for President of The United States of America to generate passion inside of me. Overall, I probably like Ron Paul more than any other candidate. However, I dont think I would rally for him to be President or preach his infallibility to everyone I speak to. I have not found a candidate who I believe to be infallible. There are major issues that mean a lot to me with this election. The war, mainly, and health care. I am sure there are many Americans who also share my belief that these are probably the two most important issues we have going on right now. However, there are two things that no one is really saying a whole lot about. Hope, and change.

There is an epidemic in this country that is affecting damn near everyone and if its not affecting you then it is  affecting someone you know. It is really, the loss of hope, or the lack of hope. We live in a country where people are becoming more and more hopeless about the problems that exist in the world that surrounds them. Its very sad. I have to admit that I too, have been affected by this extreme loss of hope and thats one of the reasons I am having a hard time with this election.

Change is something else. We are in a desperate need of change and so many people want change so badly that they are blindly following the first person who promises it without even questioning the motives of that person, the history of that person, etc.  I think that hope and change are directly related to each other, in the sense that hope brings about change…and change brings about hope. There have been many situations where Americans have needed change, and lost hope. There have been a few situations where a President, or someone running to BE President give us that hope that we need in order to bring about change. That happened on January 20th, 1961. I wasnt around at that time, though..so I missed that one.

I,unlike Lee Greenwood, have never been “Proud to be an American.” America hasnt ever given me the opportunity. There hasnt been anything in my short lifetime as an adult who understands worldly issues, that America has done to make me “proud” to be an American. Especially recently. Recently, I have been a reluctant American. Not proud at all, somewhat ashamed, and downright fucking embarrassed. This all changed tonight though, for the first time ever…I felt proud to be an American.

What made me feel this way? Barack Obama winning the Iowa Caucus. Not only is he a black man, which in itself speaks VOLUMES about the direction America is headed and just how BAD we want change and just how much hope he  has given Americans, but, he is someone who a lot of people have said would not make it to this point. I was proud of him and his speech made me proud to be an American for the first time ever.

His winning made me realize that, yes, finally, the PEOPLE of America are getting their point across and they ARE ready for a change and they do not want the same ol rehashed clones of past politicians and their wives. It almost made me feel like my vote would count…even though I know it wouldnt, LMAO. Anyway..yeah…GO OBAMA! You made me proud.

I am sorry, but someone who voted FOR the war in Iraq and even purposes that we go into Iran…they are not going to change America.

I still am not endorsing any particular candidate…but I refuse to vote for someone who voted for the war on Iraq. A friend of mine says that the reason some of these politicians voted for the Iraqi war is because they were duped and lied to…well, sorry, but, I dont want a President who is so easily duped and so who so easily believes in lies they are told.  Who would? Maybe some one who is easily duped and lied to?

Its about 9:15AM. I went to bed around 7AM. I was talking to Sarah on the phone for forever..and then I decided to try to sleep and I think I fell asleep for a little bit and then I woke up around 8 or so. I went and got the mail and I found my blackberry skins had came FINALLY. Its been about three fucking weeks. About damn time.

In other news, I just installed Opera Mini on my BB. Now im gonna install gtalk so that I can get back to using my twitter updater thingie and then im gonna e-mail the im+ people and see whats going on with the im+. I have Ramble but its..really basic.

Soda comes home today, which is why I think I cant sleep. I cant tell you that I am not worried. The weather is bad up North and they are going to be driving right through it..so..something tells me I wont be sleeping a whole lot today. I was going to take Claude to the Vet because of his cold..but he seems to be doing a bit better. Ive been feeding him some vitamins and today im going to give him a lil bit of vitamin C. His eyes arent watering and he isnt sneezing and stuff, hes just a lil congested so we will see. If hes still congested after  a few days of vitamin C administration, then I will take him in and get him some kittie amoxcillan.  Kitties arent supposed to have a lot of vitamin c but a very small amount one time a day for no more than 4 days is a good option for kitties suffering from colds. He seems better..hes been climbing again so thats good.

Well..mom and her boyfriend, Scott, were supposed to go to Memphis today but they decided to wait until tomorrow. Thats good. So, after I get my clothes from Kelleys house and go to Walmart with her to pick up some essentials..me and mom are gonna hang out a bit.  Then ill probably finally fall asleep but before Soda comes back im gonna pick up the house, touch up my hair, bathe..all that good stuff so ill be ready ^_^. Im happy hes coming home, ive missed him.

A while ago Soda and I were browsing a really awesome website that I found that has tons of gadgets, toys and just basically, tons of a kick ass shit. So, yeah, anyway…we were browsing through the list of all the kick ass shit and he saw something he wanted me to click it and check it out. So I did. He was soooo excited about this particular item  and he couldnt stop talking about how cool it was, going through all of its features and his eyes were just sparkling with excitement. This item is a little bit on the expensive side though. So, I know for a fact that he wasnt putting on some show with the idea that because he looked so interested, I would buy it for him. This thing is totally out of our price range. I mean TOTALLY.

The look on his face and the excitement that he had while looking at this thing and talking about it and telling me what he would do if he had it…it just made me feel like I HAVE to get this item for him for Christmas. I want to be responsible for all that excitement that happens when he opens up his gift and sees what it is. I want that SO bad. That would be the perfect gift for ME. To be responsible for him feeling that way.

So..I saved up and it is looking like I might be able to get him this item. I really hope so. And that my friends..is what love does to you, lmfao.

Its also relatively safe to write about this. He hasnt been getting on the computer at all lately but I still dont want to write exactly WHAT it is.

I rarely ever write about the mechanics and the dynamics that make up my relationship with Soda.  At the beginning of our relationship…it sucked. It was horrible. I have no idea how either of us  made it through…but now…things are so different. Things change. I believe we effectively went from being he and I…to us, and thats what changed things. At some point during the relationship two people realize where this is going, I think. I dont think this has to be a spoken or communicated realization. It certainly doesnt have to be for most people. But, you begin to realize that you two are no longer total separate entities but that you, along with being separate entities, are also “one.” I think that is when the dynamic of our relationship changed. When we realized that we became “one.” We started to seriously argue less and less until every argument we had we were able to smile throughout the whole thing and you could tell that there were no negative feelings, even though we were having an argument. Thats still how it is today. Its not like we dont argue. We do. We get on each other nerves a lot too. Its just that those arguments, they dont change us so they are largely insignificant and we are able to move past them in a matter of an hour or so…sometimes less. Its very remarkable how things have changed.

I never would have pictured myself in a relationship like this. Where I was living with a man who worships the ground I walk on. Where we both loved each other equally and hated spending time apart from each other. I never pictured myself having a lover who I was absolute best friends with.  I guess I just thought it wouldnt happen, or that it would happen to everyone else before it happened to me. I didnt think I would find someone who would put up with me, or that I would find someone who I would put up with. Its sort of weird how things came to be with he and I. I like it.

So, anyway…
The other morning I woke up to a little box and a note from him.  He saved up some money and went out to buy me a very pretty wedding ring set. Engagement ring, and wedding band. I dont think he knew that it was a “wedding set” lmao. I mean, I know that he bought this for me as an engagement ring, but I dont think he had any idea that the other ring along with it was the wedding band. Well, needless to say..its very very pretty. I put pictures of it up on my Flickr for everyone to check out.

Its strange for me to say that I am engaged. To be married. Im going to end up getting married. Thats so weird. But…there isnt anyone else out there for me. Everyone who knows me and Soda know without a doubt that he and I are so meant for each other its fucking creepy.

Something I enjoy about him is that…he hasnt changed me. I mean, I am sure that I have changed since ive been with him. When you meet people that mean a lot to you, they generally have some sort of influence over your life. But, he hasnt changed me in a sense that our beliefs dont clash. He knows my beliefs, respects them and in most cases agrees with them. I dont have to be demure or embarrassed, reserved or held back. I can just be me. All of me. The farting, shitting, burping, tampon throwing, disgusting, way left of center, off the wall me. And he loves it all. ^_^

Its really great.

Surprisingly, I am getting more and more excited about Christmas. This is something I am not used to. I dont really remember being excited about Christmas, I mean REALLY excited, since I was a kid. My good Christmas’s outweigh the bad ones, however, the bad ones are just SO bad that underneath any feelings of joy, lied some very negative emotions, fear, hurt, anger..buried very deep. Well, this Christmas feels different. It feels good.

Soda and I have not been able to spend any Christmas’s together since we have been together. This is because every year he goes up North to Minnesota to visit his grandmother. This isnt something that bothers me too much because his grandmother has been the only constant in his life besides me. The only other person that he feels has really cared about him. Me and his grandmother. Shes getting older..well..shes getting way up there. I believe shes about 85 now and things arent going so well for her. Her mind is great but her body is dying on her and she refuses to believe it. So, with that said, I think it is extremely important that he goes up there and spends as much time with her as possible before fate decides to take her away from this physical reality we exist in now.

So I have spent Christmas alone for the past three years. Not technically alone. On Christmas Eve (generally, sometimes its on Christmas day) my cousin Kelley, and my mom usually have our Christmas and open the presents from one another and then we have Christmas dinner over at our aunt Karens house with our uncle Nelson and our cousin Tyler. But, its Christmas even night and Christmas night that I spend alone.

I have alway loved the “scents” of Christmas. You know, the fresh Pine scent. I always buy a ton of those candles and at least two bottles of the air freshener, haha. I love it. I also love Christmas trees and Christmas lights. Last year, I was living in a very small apartment and had NO room for a tree, so I just had this little teenie tiny mini tree that was pre decorated and about one foot tall, haha. It was good enough. This year, im going to get a three or four foot tree with lights and decorations and everything.

On Christmas Eve night I plan on lighting my pine candles, spraying some pine scent in the air, turning the house lights down and the Christmas Tree lights up, curling up on my couch with my special blanket and watching a movie and surfing the net, with all the presents under the tree…alone. Dont feel sorry for me because I just described a near perfect evening. The only thing missing is Soda, but as we all know, distance makes the heart grow fonder and even though I miss him dearly during Christmas..for the past three years it has been some time for me to sit back and reflect on life, and the way life has turned out. And, I have enjoyed it. However, I REALLY cant wait until he can join me on the couch with the pine scent in the air, the house lights turned down and the Christmas Tree lights turned up, us both curled underneath my special blanket, just watching a movie and enjoying each other with all of the presents under the tree.

Tonight Soda and I bought our first Christmas decoration as a couple. A small 99cent snow globe that, in my humble opinion, is irresistibly cute.  Sometime next week we will buy our first tree and our very first tree ornament as a couple. I know that to a lot of people this sounds really lame..but to me…..it sounds like home.

I know I havent been posting much…ive run into another writers block..BLEH.

But, I just wanted to let everyone know that I JUST BOUGHT 15 VIRTUAL PETS ON EBAY FOR 2O BUCKS!!! Yes!!!! I am SO excited. When I get them, ill be sure to take pictures.