That im losing myself in a white trash hell.

“Walking down the streets at night
I see her stumbling through the rain
A skinny figure in the dark
Her face a shade of grey

Begging here and barking there
She’s swearing all the time
Her fingers fumbling with her hair
A dirty mess of grime

And she starts to cry and she’s asking why
Her life’s always the same
But she does not see, that unfortunately
There’s no one here to blame

“Heroin” she said, “was the best I had…
No more mountains left to climb.
The world so slow… all my dreams just too high
To be fulfilled in time…!

She grabs my arm… and I feel alarmed
Her fingers gripping tight
I see her pleading eyes… so I start to disguise
And say, that everything’s alright…

And the reason why I pretended and lied
Is that I don’t want to kill
The poor dream that’s left in the deepest cleft
Of the thing that she calls will…!

“Heroin” she said, “was the best I had…
No more mountains left to climb.
The world so slow… all my dreams just too high
To be fulfilled in time…!”

Another song I love:

Hey see you know what I, I know what I dont
You promise you promise and I know you won’t
The problems and pressures we face everyday
Are sometimes more like but always on display
It breaks in your ears it aches in your bones and brings you to tears
With various incisions you load another bullet
Your shootin’ with precision

I’m talented with atrophy yea i do it well
you know I’d like to take a break from suffering in hell
Squattin’ is the excuse is I frequently abuse
Either way I hold the chain im gonna need a noose cause PAIN!!!!!!!!
Sweats on my skin, sick with bad memories and burns for my sin PAIN!!!!!!!
To talk with each breath
The only solution is the sweet taste of death!

Don’t mistake the demeanor
My kindness and weakness
I’ll burn you with reality
While you cry to your Jesus
You’re suffocating in two
You’re choking in an empty room
You’re empty life thats ending soon
Completely spells your doom

I made a choice deep inside
heroin or suicide?
sickness praised in times of need
we waste away from hands of greed
Jesus nailed to wooded T’s
cannot compete with my disease
humanity the weak condition my soul is sick from my decision

PAIN!!! The badness increases
The goodness wants to cry while we are cut to pieces
PAIN!!! Precious death
Paralysed with apathy thats all thats fucking left!
PAIN!!!

I dont blog very often anymore because im too caught up in The Sims 2.  So, I decided im gonna start blogging about my dreams. I have a lot of them, very often and they are very vivid and sometimes strangely prophetic in nature. I wont go into that now..but…I will later.

So, ive always wanted to keep a dream journal  and I figure now is a good time to start, since ive been somewhat neglecting my blog..writing about my dreams will keep in the blogging mode and give everyone something weird to read.

So, on the night of October 3rd, 2007..I had the following dream……

Kelley and I were living in some unnamed town, in what seemed like a log cabin and the beginning of the dream doesnt make much sense and im almost inclined to think that the beginning of this dream, and the end, are two separate dreams but its so hard to tell sometimes. And, I remember having to take my Ativan about something. Everyone in town was having a party..and then…at the party..is where the next portion of the dream starts to come in. Everyone was talking about a local castle that was supposedly haunted and no one knew who it was haunted by but it was rumored to be a guy named Frederik William or Frederik Wilhelm. So, naturally..Kelley and I decide to go to the castle and spend the night there.

Turns out…the ghost is really fucking cool. And it IS Frederick Wilhelm.  I dont see his ghost until the end of the dream, but he was a really cool ghost. So, as Kelley and I were leaving I say..”Hey were gonna leave you some pepsi and fried chicken in the fridge…have you ever had fried chicken?” And his ghost says with laughter and excitement “…Its been a long time.”

So, we turn around one last time to say goodbye to the ghost of Frederick Wilhelm and we FINALLY see his ghost..

Hes sitting at the kitchen table with a 2 litre of pepsi in one hand…and a fried chicken leg in the other.

(interesting side note…http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wilhelm_I%2C_German_Emperor)