Today was a REALLY good day for me for some reason. This morning my mom and I went to K&S World Market to pick me up some groceries. I ended up with all sorts of weird ass soups and noodles,  lmfao. Easy to make stuff thats healthy (even though it might not taste too great) and will be a lot better for me than fast food. So I ended up with miso soup, seaweed soup, some kind of chinese soup, egg drop soup, curry noodles, shrimp noodles, and tons of rice mixes, AND some “wheat aloe juice.”.  I decided I wanted to buy some veggies and stuff too, but not from K&S because it sort of smells like rotten meat in there so I only trust non meat not perishable items. So..off to Wal-Mart!!

When we got there I bought a lot of stuff for salads,  lettuce, brocolli, carrots, apples, cereal, milk, bagels(gotta have my bagels), peanut butter, a buncha shit but most importantly…a multivitamin.

When I got home I took my multivitamin. Then I cleaned out  my refrigerator and cabinets, organized all my new food and wondered if id still be begging for jack in the box tonight..
I cleaned, and cleaned.
I washed the dishes, cleaned out Claudes litter box (washed it and everything), mopped the floor, reorganized the kitchen..and my back was hurting so bad..so I decided to make dinner. Lol, anyone who knows me is gonna laugh when they see this shit (check out my vintage green glass)

Ok, thats:
White rice, seaweed soup, broccoli, two apple slices, a salad, and my drink was “wheat aloe” juice with green tea and water mixed in.
The whole time I was cooking this seaweed soup I thought I was going to vomit because it stunk like dead fish or something.
In the back of my mind I figured the only thing id really eat was the white rice. But when I ate the meal…I ended up really liking the seaweed soup, and the seaweed soup juice even better ( read this about the benefits of seaweed). The wheat aloe juice had a really nice taste..tasted just like aloe, it was pretty good..my salad was great, the white rice I ended up not being too happy with but I ate it anyway. It was a really cool, different meal! I ended it with yogurt.

After that, I smoked a little weed. Marijuana is slowly becoming a part of my life again, which I am happy about.
Then, I took an awesome bath. Dr Bronners is by far the best soap EVER. I want to have a pool of diluted Dr Bronners Peppermint Soap and just waft around in it all day long. It smells so good, and feels SO MUCH CLEANER than any other soap ive ever used, it makes bathing great. The peppermint and eucalyptus soaps I use have aromatheraputic (sp?) properties which I guess is why it makes bathing so relaxing and its like an experience rather than a habit. I think bathing should be a good, relaxing experience. Its one of the few times we get to be completely alone to reflect about our lives, the people we love, and ourselves. I figured out that im ok right now. More ok than I feel like ive ever been. That doesnt mean that I wouldnt change anything about my life, but it means that I am finally content enough in my life to start carving out my place in the world and going up the ladder like everyone else.
Im very happy I adopted Claude. You never realize exactly how much joy and healing a pet can bring into your life.
Soda and I have not had ONE major fight (even though I bitch at him a lot, those arent our major fights, lol.) since we adopted Claude..we are too busy laughing at him and loving on him. In my mind, I compare this a lot to having a human child, except it costs less money, less commitment, but that doesnt mean you cant love an animal like youd love your own human child.
Im happy with how I am raising him, even though hes a very very mischievous kittie. He has loads of personality, and is extremely affectionate towards me and Soda. We are all very happy together.

Today was either a really great day..or a very manic episode. Or..maybe im just really happy today..who knows.

Shalom! =)

My boyfriend hates 311. But for me, I guess, 311 is like Green Day is to my cousin Kelley, its the bands we “grew up” with. The bands that were there for us through all of the teenage bullshit, from the time we were little, until know, the bands are awesome enough to still be around, and weve all kinda grown together.

I was jamming to 311 in the car and I had this memory of a very, very bad Christmas with me, involving my dad. And now that I look back on life, it seems like every Christmas ive had with him around has been bad. I dont know how old I was, maybe 10 or 11 and for Christmas that year my mom got me all of the 311 CDs, and a portable CD player to take down to Florida with me when I went to see my dad, for Christmas. Well, that same year my dad got me a video camera for Christmas, which was so fucking cool. That Christmas, my dad wasnt around much. He was hanging with his girlfriend, Kay. Ill never forget her. She was quite a bit older than him and probably a dope addict just like he is/was. Well, my grandparents had a pop up camper, and during that vacation I would spend many nights in that camper because my dad was off spending time with his girlfriend so I was left by myself, and I liked staying in the camper.

There was a tape, that I video taped, of myself in the camper. This is kinda hard to explain, but the view of the camera was my view, what I was seeing, and all you could see was my cd player sitting on the bed, with a blue 311 sticker on it, and all you could hear was me singing 311 songs from the “blue” album, back, to back, to back. Over, and over, and over again. That was the same year that my dad forgot about me on Christmas. He went to his girlfriend Kays house that morning and I guess he got fucked up, nodded out, and just…forgot about me. It rained that Christmas. That day, for Christmas dinner I ran down the street to my grandmothers house and ate dinner with them. Midway through dinner I started crying and I said something like “Why does he always do this?” And my grandparents completely ignored it. Just like I wasnt there, so I got up and ran back to my dads house (trailor) and cleaned the whole house waiting for him to get there. I had just finished mopping the floor when it was dusty dark on Christmas day, I sat down in a chair in the living room, and then I thought I heard his truck pull in so I hauled ass through the wet kitchen, slipped on the floor, and busted my head open. I got up real quick, kinda blacking out and dizzy, ran to the window to see if it was my dad..and it wasnt.

I dont remember what time he came in that night, im sure I was sleeping. I think that was the Christmas that started all my back luck Andy Christmas’s. Maybe ill go into detail about the other ones later.

But for now, I have another memory to share.

Earlier today, for no good reason, I decided to eat two Kleenex’s. Like, not EAT them, but just put them in my mouth, chew them, then spit them out. Totally gross, right? Lol. Shove it, we all do weird shit.
Anyway..it made me remember something…

There is this movie called “The Mask” its not the Jim Carrey one, its a different one with Cher and its the story of a guy called Rocky Dennis who had a very rare cranial disease that caused your head to be huge and really disfigured and just..I dunno, really weird. Look up Rocky Dennis and you might find a pic. His skull like, was disfigured and grew constantly till it just crushed his brain and killed him or something.
Well, I used to LOVE to eat paper towels when I was little. Id eat them alll the time. I also used to watch that movie all the time.
The last time I ate a paper towel happened one afternoon as I was shoving a paper towel in my mouth and walking past my grandmothers side porch, just after watching that movie. My mom was standing out there watching me and I said “Momma, why was that guys head like that?” and she said…

Because he ate too many paper towels.

I believed it, and until earlier I hadnt eaten a paper towel since that moment.

I <3 My Mom.

Ive been really sad tonight. Im not sure why, it could probably be the PMS. I think its very very healthy for someone to cry, as often as they feel the need, but for some reason I dont cry very often anymore and sometimes, at random times, it just..all comes out like the niagra falls. But I like to do it alone. Tonight, I was sitting here crying and I heard my boyfriend unlocking the door so I wiped my eyes off and he came in here asking some dumb boyfriend question and  then, our conversation went something like this:

bf: whats wrong with your eyes?
me: I DONT FEEL GOOD
bf: whats wrong? are you mad about something?
me: no. i just dont feel good and I dont know why.
bf: are you pmsing?
me: NO. I just feel sad and depressed.
bf: im sorry you feel sad baby what can I do for you?
me: get me some weed then to go walgreens and get me one of those strawberry starbucks drinks
bf: ok, i will.
The he gives me a long hug and I see Claude sitting, sleepy eyed watching us. I could tell hed come from the bedroom where he was sleeping. Then he walked over to us, and wanted to get in on the action..so we hugged him too.